How to Maintain Intimacy and Pleasure When Breastfeeding

There are so many benefits to breastfeeding from providing substantial nutrients to helping with building a connection with baby. When it comes to intimacy, however, it can have some pretty big impacts both physically and emotionally. This can come with a lot of feelings of guilt and even frustration, building tension within the relationship as well. It’s also an area that is neglected in society and our healthcare system, but no surprise there considering how women’s sexuality has been suppressed and dismissed for centuries.

1. Get to understand what’s happening at a physiological level

Breastfeeding triggers the release of the hormone prolactin, which plays a crucial role in lactation and milk production. However, this increase in prolactin levels can suppress other hormones related to sexual desire and arousal, like estrogen and progesterone, which in turn can lead to lower libido, issues with arousal, and even discomfort with sex.

Tips:

– Learn how your body is changing with your partner – Open communication between partners about these changes can foster understanding and support, ensuring that both individuals feel emotionally connected instead of dismissed or misunderstood.
– Practice affirming your connection and attraction to one another – Recognize that these natural hormonal changes with breastfeeding are not a reflection of attraction or affection towards your partner. Mutual affirmations can help strengthen the trust and bond between you.

2. Connect to your body and nurture your self-confidence

The postpartum period is a time of profound physical changes. The pressure to conform to societal beauty standards and body image ideals can exacerbate feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. These concerns may manifest as a reluctance to have sex due to a lack of confidence or how they perceive their body. On top of this the lack of sleep, the recovery postpartum, low energy etc. can all impact the desire for sex. A good sleep is probably the greatest pleasure at this point.

Tips:

– Make time for self-pleasure – Post-partum and the breastfeeding journey can change your pleasure spots. For some, nipples are too sore to touch, despite being an area of pleasure prior to pregnancy. For others, the nipples are now more pleasurable than ever before. The self-exploration activity can be extremely helpful during this time to be mindful of your body and even help explain to your partner how you would like to be touched and pleased.
– Prioritize self-care – There’s a reason the planes tell us to put our masks on before helping a child. The more time you make for filling your cup, the more energy, patience, time, and care you’ll be able to pour into your children, partner and loved ones. Even if it’s 10 mins: take a bath, read a few pages of your book, listen to music.
– Open up to your partner – Partners can play a vital role here through words of affirmation and being more aware of how they’re words, body language, or actions might make you feel. This is a challenging conversation, but can be extremely beneficial to both you and your partner. Here’s a great blog with some tips!

3. Incorporating more non-sexual intimacy with your partner

Non-sexual intimacy can remove some of the pressure from sex while maintaining the romance. This is incredibly important because feeling pressured to have sex will have negative effects on your pleasure, future sexual experiences and will not increase your desire or willingness to initiate sex. Instead it will probably do the opposite because it is becoming more of an additional task on the neverending to-do list.

Tips:

– Explore non-sexual forms of physical affection – This includes cuddling, hugging, holding hands etc.
– Get childcare for date nights, even if it’s just an hour – Making time for one-on-one time with your partner, as often as you can. This can be time to just sit and have a coffee together, or it can be time to do an activity you’ve wanted to do for a while. Whatever it is, schedule in time for a date in the next few weeks.
– Prioritize communication and openness – Taking time to communicate openly about both of your feelings, needs, and desires is incredibly important. This includes discussing each other’s emotional and physical boundaries to ensure that both partners feel comfortable and respected.

4. Get support from those around you and professionally

The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” speaks volumes. It can be easy to take on all the responsibilities or feel like no one can help you. On top of that, mood changes, anxiety, and depression can all happen during and after pregnancy. Feeling supported is essential.

Tips

– Try to share the load – Acknowledging the fatigue or burnt out feelings you might be having and find ways to share responsibilities to alleviate some of the stress. This can be help from your partner, family, friends, and even hiring help when needed and if able to.
– Reach out to your support system – This is an area we don’t talk about enough postpartum. Feeling supported by your loved ones and/or a counselor can help you navigate the very real physical, mental and emotional changes you are experiencing.

You are not alone in this journey. Open communication, self-care, emotional support, and connecting to yourself and your partner are keys to maintaining intimacy and romance throughout the breastfeeding phase and beyond. Remember, intimacy evolves, and by embracing this transformative period together, couples can emerge stronger and even more deeply bonded.

Disclaimer: If you have concerns about your physical, mental or emotional health postpartum, discuss this with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance.

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