Difficulties with sexual desire are among the most common reasons couples seek therapy.
In the initial stages, the chemistry between partners often feels electric, with passion and desire flowing effortlessly. However, as time goes by, maintaining the same level of sexual excitement can feel challenging. Oftentimes, we start to shift from a predominantly spontaneous desire to more of a responsive desire.
Although this is a common struggle, losing the spark is not inevitable and there’s ways to rebuild it. We may just need to take some time to intentionally nurture the areas of our relationship that fosters passion and excitement. But how? Here are a few tips.
1. Prioritize regular quality time
In the chaos of everyday life, it’s easy to lose sight of the importance of quality time together. Undivided attention is key because it shows each other that your relationship is a priority. This means switching off your phones, getting a babysitter, giving the dog a bone…whatever you have to do to have some uninterrupted time together.
ACTION: Schedule regular date nights or intimate evenings dedicated solely to you and your partner. Make daily rituals that allow moments throughout your day to be focused on connecting with your partner. This can be as simple as making dinner a time of conversation or cuddling for 15 minutes before sleeping.
2. Reconnect to your playful side
Routine can be the enemy of excitement, so it’s essential to bring back the same fun and excitement you were feeling in the beginning of the relationship in your everyday AND in the bedroom. As adults we can lose sight of the importance of play which is an easy way to boost endorphins (our feel good chemicals) improve our social well-being, build trust and increase intimacy.
ACTION: Try new positions, experiment with different locations for sex, or explore fantasies together. Outside of the bedroom, learn a sport together, cook a new recipe or go for some dance classes. Incorporating novelty can create a sense of adventure and anticipation, reigniting that fire you may be searching for.
3. Make time for YOU
Now, this is one that is often overlooked. In long term relationships, we can lose sight of the importance of having our own identity within the partnership you are building. This means both self-care and doing things that give us joy. Setting time for ourselves allows us to foster a renewed sense of confidence and excitement. It also allows us to refill our cups to be able to give to our partners and our relationships.
ACTION: Engage in activities that promote self-confidence and personal growth. This could involve pursuing hobbies or new business endeavors, engaging in regular exercise, prioritizing self-care, and getting some alone time.
Sustaining a healthy and passionate sexual spark in a long-term relationship requires effort, communication, and a willingness to explore new possibilities. Despite how common it is for couples to feel changes in their desire in long-term relationships, there are many ways to start revitalizing their sexual connection. Share this with your lover!
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